


the happiest christmas tree

by silly_bone



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Female Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Multi, happy hoildays yall, holiday fic, its just dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21969700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silly_bone/pseuds/silly_bone
Summary: modern au where 14th and hythlodaeus bring an entire christmas tree to hades' house because he doesn't have one
Relationships: Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch/Hythlodaeus/Warrior of Light
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	the happiest christmas tree

**Author's Note:**

  * For [did_you_reboot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/did_you_reboot/gifts).



> me @ myself: how stupid can i make this trio

"This one."

"No, yeah, I agree. This one is the best."

"Do you think it's too tall?"

Uh," Hythlodaeus, a stupidly tall man, craned his neck to see the top of the stupidly tall tree, "Nah, it's good."

"Perfect, he's going to love it," Mets beamed with a wide smile, her cheeks red from the biting chill in the air.

The tree lot was not as much of a madhouse as they had predicted this close to the holiday, although perhaps the crisp cold morning discouraged shoppers from striking out as early as they had. In a display of surprising dedication, Hythlodaeus kept his promise and was waiting in her driveway in the cold dark at five twenty-five in the morning. Understandably, Mets was ecstatic that the guy who barely passed his six o'clock in the morning class due to falling asleep during it was on time and ready to go at this hour. She pulled her groggy partner over the center console to wrap him in a hug after jumping into the car, pressing a quick peck to his cheek. Knowing him all too well, Mets advised a stop for coffee before hitting the road north.

Tossing their empty coffee and hot chocolate cups into the bin, Hythlodaeus roamed back in over in time to catch Mets preparing for the action with some stretches. He watched, absently scratching his cheek before giving a shrug and mimicking her motions. Together they were oblivious to the other shoppers going wide around them.

“Are you ready?”

“I was born ready for this moment.”

Despite their combined confidence, they were rapidly proven to be unprepared. Although largely contained in the burlap bag and sparing them from skewering their hands on the pines, it was no less large and awkward. The weight of it certainly didn’t help. Yet neither of them were quitters and the desire to surprise their dear friend carried them and the tree onward to greatness and the check-out counter.

Belatedly, they noticed the carts parked at the entrance. They shared a look amidst labored breathing yet no comment was made.

With the energetic tones of José Feliciano wishing them a fond holiday playing over the yard's speakers, Mets handled check out while Hythlodaeus hugged the bagged monstrosity to keep it from toppling. She fumbled with her cash through the horrendously knitted mittens sporting a supposedly 'shooting stars' motif, an early gift from Hythlodaeus and one excessively mocked by Hades on his account that 'the stars looked like sperm'. He may have been right but Mets cherished the gloves regardless; they were remarkably good for keeping her hands warm.

Accepting the receipt from the miserable teenager behind the counter and wishing him a very jolly holiday, Mets turned to eye the tree once more.

"Is this going to fit on top of your car, Daeus?"

"On top?"

"Yeah? They normally go on top of cars. Where were you going to put it, Daeus?"

"The… trunk?"

"The trunk?" She repeated incredulously, sizing up the covered tree. "This has to be at least eight feet! Eight? Uhm…"

She scanned the receipt still in her hand as Hythlodaeus looked unbothered about the potential issue, as usual. With an exasperated groan at the small print, Mets turned to the poor teenager at the register that bore witness to the pair.

"Nine feet tall, miss," the teen offered both helpful and disinterested. His eyes looked at the 'No Refunds' sign nearly set on the counter.

"Nine feet, Daeus! It's not going to fit in the back!"

"Well we can't help that the perfect tree is nine feet tall, Mets," Hythlodaeus reasoned calmly, "or that we can't return it now."

Mets deflated, slumping forward with a despondent groan. Hythlodaeus smiled as the crackling music transitioned to Nat King Cole.

"C'mon Mets, this isn't the holiday spirit! We'll work it out!"

"Despite my better judgement," Mets relented, "your confidence and positivity has swayed me."

Hythlodaeus cracked a wide grin, "There's the spirit! Here, you go get one of the carts and I’ll push it."

Retrieving a cart and rolling it back over, Mets helped Hythlodaeus push the tree onto the platform. While Hythlodaeus pushed it out into the parking lot, Mets walked along the side of it to assure it didn’t roll off from the bumpy gravel under the wheels. As they neared the car, she spoke up.

"Do you have the ropes for this, Daeus?"

"Ropes?"

"You know, the stretchy ones that generic dads keep in their garages?"

"Bungee cords?"

"Those, yeah."

"Why would I have bungee cords? I don't go camping, Mets," he stated in a matter-of-fact tone, "and I'm not a generic dad right now or ever hopefully."

Mets fell behind for a moment, lips pressed into a fine line as she carefully considered the next few moments. Hythlodaeus stopped behind his car, fishing in various pockets for his keys. With a silent plea for patience, she took a breath and rejoined him.

“So if not the roof,” she began expectantly.

“The trunk should work,” he finished, finally pulling out his keyring from a seemingly bottomless pocket. Squinting at the key before jamming the trunk release to pop the door, he hummed an off-tune noise as he waited.

“It’s… nine feet, Hyth,” she stressed.

He flapped his free hand as he raised the trunk door as high as it would go, “C’mon, I’ll just put the backseats down and then we’ll wedge it on in.”

As he rounded the car do as he said, Mets looked at the tree and then the open trunk. The longer she regarded both in turn, the more despair she felt. At the very least, Hythlodaeus struggling to get the seats to collapse was entertaining and she stood by for the few minutes it took, merely watching as he swore quietly and even rattled the seats in vain at one point.

“Hyth, do you need help?”

“Nah…”

“Do you need the user’s manual?”

“No!”

Never let it be said that she did not offer aid. Bouncing on her feet to ward off some of the chill, she finally heard a thump of the seats being collapsed followed by a victory cry that was then followed by a suspicious thump that swiftly quieted the victory. Glancing over, Mets found Hythlodaeus crawling out of the car with a hand rubbing the back of his head. When he caught her looking, he threw over a thumbs-up and Mets smiled easily albeit a bit taut. The seats were down at least.

“Okay, so I have no idea how to get those back up but that’s a problem for future me,” Hythlodaeus shrugged as he returned to the trunk. He looked at the tree and then the trunk before looking at the tree again. He clapped his hands together, “Well, shove it in.”

With all her considerable maturity, Mets hefted up her section of the tree and commented, “That’s what Hades said.”

And for all of Hythlodaeus’s limited maturity, he wheezed, curling forward in mirth over the stupid joke. He devolved into a fit of giggling that he couldn’t quite shake even as they hefted the tree up and began to feed it into the trunk and backseat. Slow yet easy going, they slid the tree along until the front seats denied any further process.

Standing back and regarding the predicament of the christmas tree unsurprisingly protruding from the trunk. Mets looked at Hythlodaeus wordlessly, watching for his reaction. The man held a hand at his chin as he stared at the situation, face blank. With a slow blink, he reached up and slowly lowered the trunk’s door. Mets was not certain what he expected to happen. The trunk would not close with the tree’s base sticking out and this confirmation had Hythlodaeus nodding slowly.

“It’s too big,” he announced to absolutely no one’s surprise.

“You don’t say,” Mets replied with a soft tone of mock shock.

With a shrug of acceptance, Hythlodaeus waved his hand and started for the driver’s side door, “Eh, it’s fine. I’ll drive safely, even more safely.”

Giving a shrug of her own, Mets wandered around to the passenger’s seat. She frowned at the bagged tip of the tree looming over the center console between them. A sudden question came to mind.

"Can you even see out the rear-view window?"

"Nah!"

Concerning, yet should death claim them both in a fiery crash it will not be her fault and that was good enough for her. Throwing caution to the wind, she shrugged and clicked her seat belt. Mets kept an eye out as he reversed slow and eventually got the two of them, plus their tree, safely free from the lot.

Hitting the roads at a pace befitting the monstrosity that stuck out from the trunk, Hythlodaeus was, if nothing else, a mostly responsible and safe driver. Mets preferred his driving to Hades', if she couldn't be the one driving, which irked the later but he also disliked driving.

Coasting easy as they drove, Mets swiped at her phone while Hythlodaeus hummed along to the fuzzy yet festive music that played over the radio. She checked her messages a final time; one from her brother, which she ignored, but nothing from Hades. Looking over and getting a face-full of tree, she craned her neck up to look at Hythlodaeus.

“I don’t think he’s awake,” she spoke up to be heard over the music, tucking her phone into her pocket.

"When is he ever awake at," Hythlodaeus hesitated to leer at the digital clock built into the dashboard, a brief look of despair returning to his eyes when he was reminded of the hour, "Eight-fifty…"

"Well, there was that one time."

"I don't know if the time I broke my arm and you made him come with us to the ER at five really counts because he stayed in the car to sleep after we got there."

"Fair point."

"Anyway, it works in our favor, right? By the time he wakes up, we'll have it all set up and then he just has to deal with it."

With an agreeing nod, Mets lapsed back into silence, enjoying the holiday tunes until a sudden question came to mind.

"Hey, do we have a stand for this?"

"Uh."

One detour and raiding Hythlodaeus' parents' garage for a spare tree stand later. Mets ducked into the passenger seat while Hythlo tossed the stand into the chaos that made up the back seat. The day seemed to only grow colder as time carried on and Mets wasn’t keen on it. She tucked her knees to her chest, partially curled up in the passenger seat of the vaguely warm car. Rubbing her mittens together to spark some warmth into cold fingers, she glanced over to catch Hythlodaeus ducking back into the car. She reached to click in the seat belt, her eyes widened and she spoke up.

"Wait. We need decorations too."

"Decorations?"

"You know, ornaments and lights?"

"Oh, yeah, those things."

One more session of raiding the garage and they returned to the back of the car with arms filled with boxes. Luckily Hythlodaeus was something of a Tetris wizard and slotting the containers into any available space proved to be entertaining to him. In the end, Mets sat upfront with a box on her lap and one between her feet regardless.

It was only a few lights to Hades’ apartment when Mets recalled another potential obstacle.

"Hey, how are we going to get this stuff in his apartment? I know he's not gonna let us in if he sees us coming with the tree."

"We could take the tree up last?"

"But he keeps the door locked, right?"

“I have a key,” Hythlodaeus shrugged, nonchalant.

"How come he gave you a key?" She tried not to sound jealous and she wasn't particularly but with how much Hades complained about him, it seemed unlikely Hythlodaeus got access over her.

“I stole it,” Hythlodaeus announced with a devious smirk.

Faced with immediate scrutiny, his straight face faltered in the wake of her resolute stare. Playing it cool was never his strong suit, despite his best efforts and insistence otherwise. He kept his eyes fixed on the road.

"You're full of shit," Mets challenged. "You almost broke down crying when Hades tried to convince you to shoplift  _ Groundhog Day _ from Walmart."

"Okay, but," Hythlodaeus began, launching into his defense, "I could just rent it off Prime, no issues. Also Hades already pocketed  _ John Wick _ , which is also on Prime by the way, but if he got caught then I'd also get caught and have you  _ seen _ the security at Walmart? They are ready to end a life and you know it."

"Daeus," she attempted to gently interrupt.

"You saw that one guy there, right? He could snap Hades like a twig, which isn't overly difficult actually but you get the point."

"Daeus," another attempt, just as gentle.

"Look, my mom has a subscription, it's like two dollars, no big deal."

"Bro." And yet again.

"But you're right," he confessed, finally coming back around and resuming the initial topic, "I would never steal from friends. Or corporations even if they deserve it. I'm just too anxious when it comes to actually real trouble with consequences."

"I know and that's okay, Hades is enough of a rebel for all three of us," Mets reassured.

"He is," Hythlodaeus agreed readily then confessed the origins of the key as he turned into the apartment complex lot, "Anyway, I never gave back his spare key when I was plant sitting during spring break."

“Oh.”

Parking in the closest spot available to the stairway, together Mets and Hythlodaeus stared through the windshield and up at the second floor with some reluctance. Hythlodaeus was the first to get out from the car.

“Well, we got this far. C’mon, let’s take up the boxes first.”

Resolved to complete what they have set out to do, the pair began to haul the boxes up the stairs first, dreading the challenge that would come from the free. Once all the boxes were set by the door, Hythlodaeus dug out his keys to unlock the door.

“Shhh,” he warned before opening the door with far more care than he had ever did in the past. He peered into the dark room, checking to make sure it was clear before nodding and holding the door open for Mets to start bringing the boxes in.

Sure enough the entryway and adjacent living room were empty and dark, leaving Mets to pat along the wall for the lightswitch. She heard Hythlodaeus slide the other boxes in behind her. With the light flicked on, they situated the boxes on the couch before retreating back to bring up the tree.

Standing at the back of the car and sizing up the monstrous christmas tree, Hythlodaeus wordlessly offered over a fist. Solemnly, Mets bumped her own fist against his. Together they could surely accomplish anything. They began their labors once more. Although they made decent time even with the few breaks taken during their journey of lugging the tree up the stairs, the two were breathless and red in the face when they reached the door. Mets merely held the door wide open as Hythlodaeus dragged the tree in.

“The hard part… is over,” Hythlodaeus panted, leaning on his knees briefly.

“Yeah,” Mets wiped her brow and began to peel off her layers, draping them on the back of the couch. “We just gotta put it up and decorate now.”

“And then a nap,” Hythlodaeus proposed in a hopeful tone as he shrugged off his jacket.

“Yes.”

As they set up the tree, securing it in the stand and pulling the bag from it, Mets felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She stepped away to check it as Hythlodaeus sat on the floor and struggled to untangle a string of lights.

_ I know you’re in my house. Whatever you’re doing, stop it. I’m sleeping. _

Mets scanned the message from Hades and peered down the way to the closed door of his bedroom. She grinned and typed back.

_ What? Dude, I don't have a key to your house. _

The reply came fast.

_ Funny… _

She watched his bedroom door a moment longer and considered to antagonize him further but with a glance back at the not-yet festive scene they had planned for Hades, she thought against it. Tossing her phone onto the couch, she joined Hythlodaeus on the floor to help untangle the lights.

It began to take shape rather rapidly, much to their joy. Between the lights and the ornaments, the giant tree looked wonderful. They tried a few attempts to fit the topper on and were met with less-than-successful attempts; the tree being far too tall with the tip bending against the ceiling. With a few other additions of things dug out from the boxes, Hades’ living space had never looked more festive.

“You know,” Hythlodaeus began from where he sat on the floor, leaning back on his palms, “I think this calls for a celebration.”

Mets smiled a bit lopsided, “He hasn’t even seen it yet.”

Hythlodaeus put on an exaggerated pout, “Not even a drop of eggnog? For our back-breaking labor?”

She pressed her lips together to smother the laughter over the look on his face, easily relenting with a nod, “Okay, just a small glass.”

Breaking into a grin, Hythlodaeus picked himself off the ground and hurried to raid the kitchen. Waiting for him to return, Mets dropped onto the couch with a sigh. As she sunk into the seat, she felt her phone buzz.

_ You were joking right? _

_ Right? _

Despite feeling a bit guilty, she typed out her reply.

_ Dude, you should probably check. _

The moment she sent the message, she quickly got up from the couch and hurried into the kitchen, shushing Hythlodaeus just in time to hear the bedroom door creak open. The two partners in crime shared a look, Hythlodaeus putting down the eggnog carton to watch what would ensue.

As the layout of the apartment situated the kitchen in something of a blindspot from the door of the bedroom, Hades was unaware of his company looking on as he crept to investigate the source of light from the living room. They watched him stop abruptly at the gigantic decorated tree.

“What the…”

“Do you like it?”

Mets couldn’t help herself, giddy as she asked and immediately revealing the two of them. Hades whirled, both startled and prepared to protest but stopped when he saw the smiles on their faces. A bit flustered, his reply was delayed as he looked back at the tree.

“Why?”

“Why not?” Hythlodaeus countered.

Meanwhile Mets wandered to his side, “We thought it would be nice to surprise you!”

“This big?” Hades asked, looking at the tree up and down.

“It spoke to us,” Mets explained.

“There’s going to be pine needles in the carpet for months,” Hades realized in dour misery.

“So you like it?” Mets urged.

“I… Yeah, it’s nice,” Hades relented, reluctantly confessing to the victory shout of Hythlodaeus.

“Pour up the celebratory eggnog!”

As Hythlodaeus handled filling three mugs to the brim, Mets watched fondly as Hades regarded tree with something akin to a smile. Belatedly she recalled a feature they added.

Clearing her throat and not-so subtly pointing up at the ceiling, directing his attention to the sprig of mistletoe dangling overhead.

"You… taped it to the ceiling," Hades discovered with exasperation.

"Daeus did!"

"Of course he did."

Mets idled expectantly, rocking from heel to toe. Hades watched her blankly, still rousing from his sleep.

"Well?" She helpfully prompted.

"Is there something you wanted?" He murmured with an oblivious air as he stood underneath the accursed twig. It was a decent mask but one she saw through with the tell of a fleeting smirk tugging at one corner of his lips.

She sighed, raising her palms in a shrug, "You really make me do all the work."

"I have no idea as to what you're talking about," Hades drawled.

Knowing well his game, Mets did not hesitate as she took him by the collar of his sweater and pulled him in. A soft kiss despite Mets’ wind-chapped lips and Hades smiled into it regardless, his hands settling gently on her waist as her own slid up to his neck. With every intention to deepen the kiss, an interruption made itself known before either could act on it.

"Make room!"

Hythlodaeus warned belatedly with mischievous intent, already intruding between the pair and comfortably planting himself in their way under the mistletoe.

Hades sighed while Mets rolled her eyes.

"You know," their towering friend began, a blatant sign that he had rambling thought to share, "if I had brought over my grandma's nativity set, I could have taken the baby and put that here instead. I could have said 'make room for’--"

In a swift double-team attack, Hades pulled Hythlodaeus down to level with a firm tug on the collar of the man's hideous sweater and Mets moved in to press a kiss against his cheek. Together, they efficiently silenced him, his face already burning.

"You are… entirely stupid, Hyth. Happy holidays," Hades commented yet leaned in nonetheless and similarly pressed a kiss to the cheek opposite of the one receiving Mets' affection.

Between kisses and laughter, Mets echoed the sentiment, "Happy holidays, Hyth!"

"H-happy holidays to you two too…"

**Author's Note:**

> thank you reboot for a fantastic prompt!!
> 
> its still technically christmas somewhere in the world right


End file.
